Stretched

Elijah is home today with pink eye - the very best case scenario for a kid, due to the fact that he feels fine but has to stay away from other kids because he’s contagious. He took it upon himself to make brunch using an Usborne cookbook for children, and the pancakes turned out beautifully. He is proud of himself and I am encouraged, due to the fact that next year I may need his help if (brace yourselves) I do, indeed, decide to pull the kids out of public school. My mind is going crazy with that possibility. I am a big believer in one year at a time decisions regarding education. Last year, enrolling both Elijah and Priscilla in the public school system was a positive choice, one I continue to feel good about. The structured environment has been great for both of them. I have seen them be challenged and then rise to the occasion; in other words, I know what they are capable of. I needed to catch my breath, I needed for the kids to get older, I needed (and still need) to finish writing the book, I need to use this next semester wisely. I can’t fully explain, without using overly long and rambling sentences, why this sudden desire has taken a hold of me. So much of mothering is intuition – gut reactions that make us sometimes head in directions we never thought possible. I am nervous to make this leap and I am just as nervous not to.

It is humbling to start over, to have to panhandle every home school mom I come across for advice and information. The Hound of Heaven is always at my heels, breathing down my neck, reminding me that, of course, I can’t do anything on my own. Don’t get too comfortable, right? Comfortable is what makes me lazy and unresponsive. I am desperate for meaning in the form of salvation. I am increasingly aware of Truths I want to share with my family while there’s time. I am so freaking in love with my crazy kids… enough to stretch myself (Please God, help that to be true) if I am asked to.